"Bible" stands for "Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth".

Herr, schmeiß Hirn vom Himmel.

Gerade habe ich (ein recht hoffnungsloses Unterfangen) geschaut, ob nicht heute abend auf einem der drei Fernsehsender, die ich mit meiner Zimmerantenne "empfangen"* kann, ein netter Film kommt. Nicht völlig unerwartet** ist das nicht der Fall, allerdings fiel mein Blick auf nebenstehende Ankündigung.

Das kann unmöglich deren Ernst sein.

Von der Channel 4-Website zu 'Make me a Christian':

The Reverend George Hargreaves thinks Britain is in a state of moral decline and that a return to a more 'Christian' way of life would stop the rot. He and his team of mentors aim to show how by convincing a group of non-Christian volunteers to live by the teachings of the Bible for three weeks.

In this three-part series, a group of volunteers from around Leeds in West Yorkshire give up their normal lives and attempt to live like Christians for three weeks. [...]

First stop is York Minster - an awe-inspiring cathedral that's almost 1,000 years old, where they are asked to participate in a communion service. Then it's back to Leeds, where George Hargreaves gives each volunteer a Bible and asks them to read some every day.

The mentors visit the volunteers in their own homes, to get a picture of their lives and to give them guidance. The parents are asked to spend 15 minutes each day with their children. The lesbian is ordered to get rid of her explicit pictures and books. The young man and his pregnant girlfriend are given some instruction in the basics of Christianity. The lap-dancing manager is discovered to have more than a passing interest in witchcraft and magic - her books and ceremonial paraphernalia are taken away. The womanising 20-something is persuaded to agree not to 'look lustfully at a girl'. The biker, so far, is challenging every instruction and the others are beginning to get fed up with his refusal to listen.

All this is just the start of their three hard weeks. Can they embrace Christian ideals and learn to live in a different way or will their old lives prove just too strong to resist?

Erstens, wer um alles in der Welt hat diese Website "gestaltet"? Das kann ja unbedarfte Mitmenschen in Depression und Selbstmord treiben!

Zweitens, mal abgesehen von den Eltern, die mehr Zeit mit ihren Kindern verbringen sollen (seit wann ist das ein christliches Gebot?), sollen alle anderen einfach ihr Sexleben ändern. Christian ideals = kein außerehelicher oder gleichgeschlechtlicher Sex. Herzlichen Glückwunsch.

Drittens, was zum Geier ist die Aussage des Ganzen? Ich persönlich finde weder außerehelichen noch gleichgeschlechtlichen Sex unmoralisch und ich behaupte mal, dass die Briten, die außerehelichen oder gleichgeschlechtlichen Sex haben, würden mir da zustimmen - wenn sie es unmoralisch fänden, würden sie es ja nicht tun. Leute wie der Reverend Hargreaves beschwören ein "Problem" (moral decline), dass nur für sie besteht, um dann zu sagen, nur sie könnten für Abhilfe sorgen. Alle anderen sollen sich also in einer Art und Weise verhalten, die *ihnen* in den Kram passt, dann sind sie glücklich und scheiß auf den Rest?!

Die Widersinnigkeit des Ganzen ist natürlich nicht nur mir aufgefallen, im Guardian habe ich folgenden amüsanten Kommentar dazu gefunden:

In true oversimplified TV-conflict tradition, it's a clash of absurd extremities. The Christians, for instance, consist of an evangelical preacher, a lady vicar, a Catholic priest and - very much heading up the pack - the Reverend George Hargreaves, founder of Operation Christian Vote, and the Christian Party, and the Scottish Christian Party, and the Welsh Christian Party. If it's Christian and a Party, chances are George is its figurehead. He scatters Christian joy like a muckspreader flings shit: indiscriminately and everywhere.

Said Christians are pitted against a group of volunteers containing the following widely representative social types: a lesbian schoolteacher, a tattooed militant atheist biker, a white Muslim convert, a boozing fannyhound who claims to have slept with over 150 women, and a lapdancing witch. Nice work, C4. I'm sure we can all learn from this. Let battle commence.

Following a trip to York Minster, George hands each of the volunteers a Bible. The word "Bible", he tells them, stands for "Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth". He instructs them to read it every day. This makes the atheist biker kick off, so George graciously talks over him until he walks out.

The group seems pleased to see biker boy go. After all, what's the point of participating if you're not prepared to learn? As William (the Muslim convert) says, "Step one to learning is silence, and step two is listening." Step three, presumably, is absolute cocksucking obedience - or it would be if cocksucking wasn't a sin.

Almost any form of sex is a sin. Take Fay, the occult lapdancer. George takes one look at her lifestyle (spangly bras and tarot cards) and announces she's "on a trajectory to hell". Sobbing, Fay slinks away to her boyfriend's house for a few days of comforting. When she emerges later, George bollocks her for having sex outside marriage. "While the world might call it 'making love'," he says, "the Bible calls it fornication."

[...]

With his polarising views and divisive political campaigning, George is just the man to be fronting a makeover show, and the broadcast will doubtless be accompanied by the percussive sound of thousands of Christians enthusiastically smashing their foreheads against the wall with delight at the way they're represented. Still, let's not blame Channel 4. Let's forgive them. Just like Jesus'n stuff, yeah?

Ich bin wirklich, wirklich froh, Channel 4 nicht empfangen zu können. Ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob ich der Versuchung wiederstehen könnte, da mal reinzuschauen, obwohl das sehr wahrscheinlich bleibende Schäden zur Folge hätte.

MfG,
JLT

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* Wenn man das so nennen will. Wenn die diagonalen Streifen, die konstant durchs Bild laufen, einen Abstand von mehr als 3 cm haben, habe ich eine optimale Antennenposition erreicht.

** Ich werde mich nie wieder über die öffentlich-rechtlichen Sender in Deutschland beschweren. RTE1, RTE2 und TV3 sind ganztägig wie das Montagvormittagsprogramm auf Sat1.